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Sunday 25, June 2017

 

 

Realization

By: Muhammad Farhan Bashir, Uploaded: 28th September 2012



realizationHe had just lost one of the most precious possessions in his life. In fact he had just lost his life.

The presence of a body, a beating heart, inhalation of breath, they are not good enough indicators to determine the existence of so called life. Life is beyond that…Life is about purpose… he had just lost that purpose of life.

He had lived because someone would have died without him. He left for work and someone was always there to kiss him goodbye. He felt like returning home desperate to see a smiling face waiting for him. He would stay hungry even after a late seating, cause someone, he always knew was up and hungry too. She was his purpose of life, a life that was well planned. He had toiled hard for it and she had always been his source of inspiration in everything. Now he felt like a candle without a wick, like a fallen leaf on the mercy of wind, like a body without soul.
He was so used to seeing her around every day that the thought of ever losing her was out of question. She always praised him for being a smart planner then why hadn’t he framed a contingency plan for such a situation?? Perhaps he had mistaken a variable for a constant.

Funny how in life we become so used to, so accustomed to certain individuals that we completely rule out the option that they could, one day, not be anymore, that they just like others have their own expiry date and that could very well be any date.

People all around were consoling him. Uttering words of wisdom like every individual has to part one day and that he should be patient…. Words that in their context seemed very soothing, words that should have provided him with peace and tranquility…right now were piercing him like thorns.
Each word had a sketch of its own, the sentence painting a portrait of her and then his tears first blurring and then completely wiping her face away.

Sometimes a person’s silence seems so meaningful and has such a strong impact that it makes an individual restless…then there are times such as these, when a million consoling words fail to have any impact on the state of things or on one’s own heart.

It’s not like he had never lived without her but today it just felt so different. The realisation made him feel so weak, so empty, so alone. He had always mocked her every time she had tried to make him understand what love is all about, he recalled the exact words:

Love is not just the mingling of the self; it is a connection of the souls… It’s about two hearts with a single beat, two minds producing one refined thought, two eyes gazing in the same direction, two hands toiling for a single purpose… On their own they could be different individuals but when united they feel the same way.

Today for the first time he felt she had been right. For the first time he felt that connection was no more there… That feeling as if had been buried somewhere. Earlier he could lift himself up just by thinking of her, just by voicing her say in his mind, just by picturing her in his inward eye but now all that made him feel more desolated, more isolated with nothing but tears to spill and some days to see through. Now he wished to live no more cause living for once had become more painful than dying.

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Story first published: 28th September 2012




 
 


 
 

 

 






 
 

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